Step by Step
by Shadow.Holic
Summary: I'm not in love with him. I'm not. But I know that he's in love with me. Sanji x Luffy yaoi, beware.
1. Step One

**Foreword:** I'm still writing in Sanji's view, and this is the second time I've made Luffy hold a one-sided affection for Sanji. Well, one-sided for now. I'm holding no promise to keep it that way.

**Author's Notes: **This story is inspired by Episode 234 of One Piece, but contains no spoilers unless you don't know who Luffy and Sanji are. I know it may seem a bit confusing as I didn't actually state out who's the 'I' and 'him' in there, but if you know One Piece enough, you should be able to find out.

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Step by Step: Step One  


I know that he likes me.

I can't remember when I first find out - was it Nami-san who first told me? Or was it the stupid swordsman? I can't remember, but I've known for a long time already.

It seems like the only person that doesn't know I know is him.

I really can't imagine him admitting that he likes me (in a romantic way, which is everything he is not) in front of anyone. But the entire crew knows now, and I can't help but admit it's true.

I'm not in love with him, but I start looking out for him, start watching him when he doesn't know just to see what he's like not in front of me.

And I start wondering if it's true.

He acts as if it's nothing. Except calling out my name to ask me for food, he does nothing to particularly show that he truly cares for me more than he cares for the others. If it hadn't been for the rest of the crew, I would never have found out.

That doesn't mean I know what to do.

I manage to be the first one to jump down whenever he falls in the water. It's almost like a routine – I see him in the water, I dive in, I haul him back out and put my hand on him to assure he's alright.

Sometimes, he manages to croak out a 'thank you'. It's not much, but it's enough to make me smile. I still can't find out whether or not he likes me as much as the others say, but his words are enough for my thoughts.

I start staying behind, just to call him when he strays away from the team or is deep in thoughts. I try to pry him open, just to understand him a little more. Most of all, I start to notice every detail of him, for no reason at all.

And I realize that despite the fact that I'm not in love with him, I want him to say he likes me right in front of me.


	2. Step Two

**Foreword:** Sanji went through a little change before he thinks the way he does below. I made quite a few changes - for example, you see the line 'I'm not in love with him' far less; the 'likes' used to describe Luffy's feelings has also changed to 'love'. Just a few things I thought you should know, or find out just by reading.

**Author's Note:** I decided to write this after all. It's still not really a chapter story though, more like a series of one-shots that could be stringed into one (I can't stand the pressure of writing a chapter story and having to continue what you previously wrote). I don't know when I'll write another part of this story. Possibly soon, possibly never. I'm not really satisfied with what I wrote either, so I might decide to rewrite this before writing another piece. Well, who knows?

**Other Notes:** (Since this is the few times I'm uploading into a same story, this will be my first time replying reviewsthis way - )

_Shyro Foxfeather_ - I find romance rather easy to write...Well, easier than other genres, anyway. Action is by far the hardest ever, at least to someone like me who has a small amount of vocabulary stored. Oh, and how could I forgot - thank you for adding this to your favorites!

_imjuzakyd_ - Sanji's point of view is so much easier to write than Luffy's. I've tried once, but it turned out to be rather stupid so I threw it away. I like both characters a lot though, so I'm hoping I could write in Luffy's view someday.

_Liete_ - That was the best thing I could have ever heard (or read)! My goal has always been to make others see this pairing, since you really don't see it often (unless you live in Japan). I'm a lazy reader too, and I hardly reply unless it's something I really love. Still, I'm rather jumpy right now...And please continue on your journey to fall in love with the Sanji x Luffy pairing!

_Merayna _- I did something in the middle. Not really a chapter story, but not a one-shot either. I hope you like it! Your review was what made me decide to really write this second part.

_mechafreak _- Well, here it is. Hope you like it!

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**Step by Step: Step Two**

This is the first time I've ever seen him in deep thoughts, and I don't like it at all. It was like looking at someone you know who turned out not to be the same person any more- strange, unfamiliar, and very awkward.

And I ponder whether or not to go up and comfort him.

I know he loves me. I've known for some time now, and have always treated it as another part of life- my captain's in love with me, and I'm the cook of the Straw Hats. It fits together thoroughly, just like my every day life. It was always the same, him shouting my name and me replying.

But I still ponder whether I should go to comfort him or not.

It's not that I don't want to. I wouldn't mind comforting him, if it means returning him to his usual attitude. And I wouldn't mind talking to him alone either, since we hardly ever really do. But still, I lean on the railing still without a final decision.

I find myself a little nervous.

Knowing that he loves me has always been a secret I've kept from him. I've always savored the fact that I was special in his eyes, that he might be watching me when I wasn't watching him. There are times when the tension grows so great that I wanted to do something about it, but most of the time, it was interesting; extremely interesting, and that's underestimating it.

And I don't want to break it. Not just yet.

Staring at his back, I think of what he might say if I walk over to him. Will he finally tell someone what he's thinking about? Or will he tell me to go away, just like he told the others? Or...There's also a slight chance that he might admit he loves me.

I'm not sure I want to risk it.

A few months ago, I would have said it could be even more interesting if he did. But now, I'm not so sure. I've thought about different situations, and none of them are ones I feel comfortable about. It's been so long since he first started to like me, and while I'm not in love with him, I would hate to see him upset. I'm still not in love with him, but I don't want to tell him that.

I wouldn't know what to say if he really admits his feelings in front of me.


	3. Step Three

**Foreword:** Same old thing from me, so nothing, really. This 'step' doesn't really develope that much, only more of a random filler thing. And Sanji has another mood change, with Luffy still being the same. This part should easily be understood, since it's rather simple.

**Author's Note:** Nothing here really. There's a little more plot planned out, but don't be expecting much. I mean, each part is only somewhere under 500 words, so how much could be expected? I type little and less. Yeep.

**Other Notes:** (Got another five reviews. Neat.)

_Griever5_ - Honestly, who wouldn't come to love Luffy - - ? As for Sanji coming too fall in love with Luffy...That's my not-so-secret secret, ne? Even if it's quite obvious where I'm heading...smiles

_Aseret Kitsune_ - Awww, thanks!

_Akuma Memento Mori_ - He's going to have to stay in denial for a little longer if I want to change this into a decent fanfic...Oops, there goes my secret. Oh well, it's not much of one anyway. And Sanji does need a little push, doesn't he?

_mechafreak_ - You reviewed for both chapters! Thanks a lot, really. I needed it. And as for Luffy telling him...it'll happen. Sometime.

_amekan_ - This...plot? There isn't much of a plot till now. And the idea just came from watching the One Piece anime way too many times, not in the U.S. too. I don't know why you mentioned about Zoro being jealous, but yeah, that always adds up to a more angsty plot.

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Step by Step: Step Three

I find myself hiding from him.

I can't remember when it started. I've been looking at him for so long, all of a sudden I realized that I was doing it in the dark shadows, always taking extra care not to be seen by him. In other words, I was spying on him. Yes, that's the word - spying. The only real word to describe it.

Sometimes I wonder why.

In the first place, I have no idea why I keep my eyes on him. It's not as if he's Nami-san or Robin-chan- sure, his body's lean and in-shape, but he's definitely not female. There's absolutely no chance I'd be using the word 'cute' on him, whereas I use it all day for the two females on the crew.

Secondly, I don't know why I _hide_ to do it. I'm not the only one that watches him, that's for sure. The entire crew does, and whenever he does something wrong or just plain stupid, he flashes a smile back and whoever's watching him. I enjoy his smiles, just like I enjoy cooking- but I hide away; keep them from directing to me. I just started to hide when I watch him, without any good reasons.

At least, I don't find the fact that I know he loves me a good reason.

I wonder if Nami-san or Robin-chan ever felt the same way I did. Well, I don't 'love' wither of them, but I do shower them with affection. Have they ever felt the urge to hide from me? Still, affection is different from love. And I don't think I've ever really..._loved_ anyone completely, _that_ way.

I'm confusing myself.

Things about '_him' _have gotten more and more confusing. As I start thinking about him, I find myself hiding more and more often. It was just something that started, and the more I think about the more confused I get. When it comes to him, nothing made sense anymore.

And meeting him in the eyes all of a sudden became one of the most difficult things in the world.

There really is no reason for me to hide from him. Yes, I know he loves me- but I'm not supposed to know, right? He hasn't told me that himself, which meant I can act all normal in front of him, just like I used to before I began to hide. I'm not supposed to know he loves me, so I can act just like I used to, long long ago.

But I can't, just can't because it's not the same.

Things have changed.

I don't know if it's for the better or for the worse.


	4. Step Four

**Foreword:** I've planned for something important to happen in part four, and well - it did. Happen, I mean. Number four is quite an interesting number, don't you think? In the Chinese culture, it means 'death', an unlucky number. But in the Japanese culture, it could also mean something good. So I chose this part for the characters to finally interact. And while some may think that Luffy seemed out of character...well, perhaps, but this is how I picture him to be like in a situation like this.****

Author's Note: This part is somewhat longer than usual, but the ending seemed rushed and not quite smooth. I had to ponder over a lot of things, and I'm not quite satisfied still. After this part, I probably won't be able to update for a while - not like people can actually tell, since I update slow anyway. So tell me what you think! I might be able to come up with part five faster then.****

Other Notes: (I do realize it's another five.)****

_Griever5_ - First reviewer for two chapters in a row? I think I've just glued myself to you - As for Sanji...well, soon, but not yet. I have yet to play around with him.

_deruebersetzer_ - ...Sweet?

_Liete_ - I love this pairing too! nod nod Even if it's rather rare, it's the best everV (Ignore me, I usually am rather excited when I talk about One Piece.)

_cassi.hiruru_ - Um, yeah, glad you could be open minded. I don't really like the pairing you mentioned, but if you see how badly they're written in Chinese fanfics...you'll be scared too. Honestly. I can at least say my characters are both male.

_mechafreak_ - And 'someone' did! Can't say anymore, I've already given away a lot of the plot...not that there is one. And thanks for reviewing to every single chapter!

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**Step by Step: Step Four**

He walked up to me, when my attention was not on him and I was unaware.

"Sanji, why do you hate me?"

That alone - or perhaps plus to tone he used - caught me off guard.

"Why would you think so?"

Despite my surprise, I remained calm as I prepared the crew's dinner. I am, after all, the cook.

"You're hiding from me," he started, and I couldn't help but note that he _noticed,_ "you're never around me, and-" that's not true. I'm always around, haven't you noticed that I'm always the one diving into the water for you? "-you won't look at me in the eyes."

My hands stopped moving.

_You won't look at me in the eyes._

"I don't hate you," I muttered under my breath, trying to will him away, repeating silently in my mind for him to go and leave me alone and find someone else to bother and...

"Then why won't you look at me?"

It's burning. The food, I mean. But my hands won't listen to me.

"Luffy, I'm cooking. Stop bothering me."_ - go._ It's full of the word. Why can't he understand it?

"Then look at me."

_Look at me._

_No._

Even with all this going on, I couldn't help but note that the food I was cooking is getting quite burnt, its sides already entirely black. If Luffy notices this - which he probably will, but pretend not to - he'd know that I'm pretending. And he won't give up.

I'll have to remake this all over again later.

"This is the kitchen, Luffy. _My_ kitchen. And I want you out." I'm making it quite plain that I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to go deeper than I absolutely have to. I...

I know he loves me. It all started with that, didn't it? Maybe it was just a lie. Maybe the crew just wants us together, so they make me believe he loves me, and perhaps make him think that I love him.

Maybe it's all a set up.

Just a set up.

_'Then he wouldn't have asked you why you hated him.'_

_- I don't!_

Right then, I realized that my mind - which somehow chose to start working, just then - had destroyed my theory within split seconds.

_'Damn you, Luffy,'_ I thought silently, trying to get his voice out of my mind. It shouldn't be this hard - nothing should be this hard - but even before I started I knew it was impossible to push away the voice inside my head.

There was more to Luffy than I thought.

He always seemed happy, and never seemed to have a single worry. If things doesn't suit him, he would whine, but he'd never sulk; if things go wrong - well, he beats the hell out of whoever caused it.

I had always made my conclusion about him with just that.

But there was also something else. When one of his crew mates feels down or upset, he always manages to say the right words; when something or someone caused a misunderstanding toward his crew, he would always manage to predict his friends correctly and prevent damage. In other words, Luffy could also read people perfectly.

And right now, I feel like an open book.

"Why won't you look at me?"

I said nothing. What could I say? I don't know, I have to, _I...?_ Nothing, nothing I say would make sense.

Silence spread across the kitchen (_my_ kitchen, damnit), accompanied by the occasional cackle of the fire. My hands had grown numb. I know I should do something - a cook's hands are a cook's life - but I couldn't move. Something in the air wouldn't let me move.

"Sanji-"

The silence broke, and I turned around

_(turned around!)_

and met his eyes.

As clear as the night sky that will certainly hang above the ship tonight.

"-I love you. Always have. Thought you should know."

And with that, he turned around and left, leaving me alone with the burnt smell, the closed door, and the memory of his expression.

(A face like that shouldn't look like that.)

_I knew he loves me._

Now he knows that I know.


	5. Step Five

**Foreword: **This one took forever, and the result is still rather confusing. I tried to make a little progress in their relationships, but there still doesn't seem to be much. While I tried to put this down into words, I didn't actually put much thought in it, so the whole thing just moves on as my thoughts move. Which is quite scary.

**Author's Note:** There's actually some connection with the former chapter! Which means that this is, in fact, a chaptered fan fiction. Though each chapter is really too short to be called a worthy chapter.

**Other Notes: **(And eight this time!)

_er_ - Even if you do find out, you'll have to get here. Unless you happen to live in the same country I do. And the whole thing is confusing - whether or not it's me that's confused or Sanji is for you to decide.

_The Plushie Bandit_ - Yay for angst! ...Not quite long lasting though. And I already replied to your question, but I'll post the answer here as well if other's didn't get it - Luffy did say that. Anything in quotation marks are things people said, unless they're in parenthesis.

_tea_ - Sorry for the slow update, but it's here.

_Yuki Koshiba_ - Thanks for the compliment!

_Hiei's-Kitsune- lover:_ Not sure what to say (Sorry...), but I guess it's the same as above. Sorry for the slow update, and thanks for the compliment. I'm getting boring...

_Deraka_ - Don't worry about bad English, I'm Taiwanese myself so my English isn't that good. And I couldn't see any big mistake in your review, so I don't think your English is bad in any way. And I like the title as well! (Since I was the one that came up with it...)

_I_ - I guess it is rather jaring. But since it's already there...(-Is too lazy to go and fix it.-)

_cassi.hiruru_ - I _do_ feel special now! And I'm glad you like this pairing.

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**Step by Step: Step Five**

Dark blue remained in my eyes, salty taste lingering still. I shut my eyes tightly, wishing that it'll go away.

He almost died. Almost, so close.

I realized that I was being ludicrous. It's over now, isn't it? He's safe, I'm fine, the ocean surface is finally calm, the enemy's gone, we've rejoined with the others...

But it had been so close. Too close.

How could we have been so stupid? His body is weak against water, haven't we proved that fact more than once? And yet, when he went after the enemy in a storm, none of us stopped him. We just watched him go, only to find him gone minutes later.

And the fact that his opponent is gone with him isn't relieving at all.

I had no idea how he managed to defeat that monstrous thing. Then again, I never knew how he defeats opponents who look so much stronger. It's not like I don't trust him - I know he'll beat anyone who tries to harm us. It's merely the fact that I don't know _how._

I guess the fact that he did is all that mattered in my mind.

Plus the fact that he's still alive.

When we realized that he was gone, we panicked. There was shouting _("Where did he go? It's raining!", "I can't see him!") _and arguing _("You should have kept an eye on him!", "Why didn't you stop him?"),_ but we didn't know what to do during a storm.

But when his (or perhaps Red Hair Shanks'?) straw hat is seen drifting, I dived down into the dark ocean - the weather wasn't something I needed to worry about then - and tried to see through the murky waters.

His dark hair, half-floating while his body dropped down.

His face, looking so blank it's frightening.

And it hadn't been because of his outrageous luck, I would never have saved him.

He would have died.

It's not the first time his life is in danger, of course. But it's the first time I know there's no chance of him surviving without help and has seen him fighting only to lose sight of it. This shouldn't have affected me this much, but damn Luffy and his facial expressions - I haven't answered him yet, and I'm not allowing him to just go and disappear.

_("Why won't you look at me?")_

I sighed yet again for the god-know-what-time today, trying to remember the details of the last time we spoke.

_("-look at me.")_

I realized that my mind was a complete mess, and couldn't recall when it became a mess. My thoughts should be my own, but they're unsorted, random jumbles of confusion.

There are chanced I've never considered, thoughts I never dared to explore now being dug up.

Somewhere in the background, I could hear his laugh, and the shouts as Nami-san hits him for making them (us) worry. Then there was talking, too far away for me to hear clearly, but I wonder if they'll tell Luffy I was the one who saved him.

Then again, even if they don't, the fact that I'm soaked should make it perfectly clear.

_"Sanji-!"_

I turned around in surprise, not expecting him to call my name, or making any contact with me.

"Thanks for saving me! And I'm hungry!"

I smiled a little, for the fact that he said thanks and asked for food in the same sentence. He's probably the only person in this world who would do that, and god, I -

_- I what?_

Standing up, I walked towards the kitchen. Wondering at the same time how Luffy could treat love with such ease, when I, the self-proclaimed love cook, kept stumbling and falling.

Then again, his carefree attitude was never childishness.


	6. Step Six

**Foreword: **Moved a little faster this time. I'm not sure where I'm going with this chapter, but I do hope it'll go on without seeming too weird. Do note that Sanji refers to Luffy as 'captain' quite a few times - it's his own way of avoiding thinking too much of the other's name.

**Author's Note:** Sorry this one took, again, a long time! My writing style seems to have changed though, and I'm not quite sure I like it. I do hope those that still remember this fic aren't too disappointed with this. I'm trying my best to continue this. The ending is completely due to being too tired to write on, and OOCness is to be blamed on lack of water.

**Other Notes:**

_woopie_ - Sorry, I don't dance - my body seems to be too stiff for that. I'm sure Luffy and Sanji wouldn't mind dancing though...

_Griever5_ - Hope you still like it, after what I've done with it this time.

_Merayna_ - And I haven't updated for quite a while as well, so we're even. I tried to make it go slow, as in step by step, but it seems my patience for this fic has worn thin - which means things have begun to go faster. I do hope you don't mind.

_crimson nightmare -_ I noticed that in your profile, you said that you like Luffy x Sanji. Personally, I never did care about who's seme or who's uke and the such, as I'm under eighteen and really, it's not that much of a bother to me. I try not to make any character out of character (that's a rather hard sentence to say...) though, and especially since Luffy's by far my favorite character of the series, I try my best to make him his usual lovely self. And...angsty!Luffy can only appear for so long without getting lured by something else, correct?

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Step by Step: Step Six

I'm tired.

It's been a long week, one full of insane demands from both my captain and the beloved navigator of the ship. I wouldn't mind cooking, but there was other things requested, including several that has much to do with the past few islands we pasted. Fulfilling Nami-san's requests are something I would never complain about, but it was tiring all the same.

And naturally, our ever-hungry captain would never stop his quest for food.

Now that I finally have time to rest, I realized how exhausted I was. Sitting down with nothing to do for the first time in a week, I proceeded to think about what's been happening around me.

Undoubtedly, my thoughts went to my captain.

It's funny how so much could happen, yet at one point you realize in a sudden that everything around you hasn't changed. Before he told me the fact that he's in love with me, I felt a pressure around me, binding me with the duty to act. Then, he says the words, and my mind was brought to a mess for a while - until he smiles to me again, and asks me to cook for him.

Just like always.

He's always loved me, so whether or not I know doesn't matter.

I felt rather stupid for not thinking of this earlier. Luffy would never angst over something for long, especially if food could be brought out to repay it.

And the tension I've felt was all one-sided, for Luffy's too cheerful for that, far beyond the extent of normal people like me.

Because of that, I enjoy cooking for my captain far more than ever before (before knowing he loves me) - he always smiles back at me, a look that manages to assure me everything's all right, it's all right not to love him; he's the kind of person that wouldn't hate you for refusing him or turning him down (though I haven't).

I still owe him an answer.

No, it's not like he's _asking_ for an answer. It's more like my own heart tells me I owe him a full answer, at least when I find out what it is. There's still a lot to think about, and I still can't quite grasp what I'm trying to think.

One thing for sure: there's something different.

I took a glance at the clock - time to prepare dinner. Oh well, I already got a good rest, even if I did spend half the time in thoughts. Plus, the smile on his face would be worth everything.

And surprising myself, I called out: "Luffy!"

Loud noises of things banging into each other were heard, but after a while, the kitchen door was finally opened by the energetic captain.

"You called me?"

I thought for a while, and decided on what I wanted to say, "Would you mind accompanying me while I prepare dinner?"

"...Why? Do you need me for anything?"

"No, but it gets a little lonely..."

"Then sure!"

His reply came too fast to be well thought out, but I knew before I even try thinking about it that it's alright with me. Sometimes, his simplicity can become his most interesting traits.

For a while, everything was near perfection as I cook while he sat there, his eyes fixed on me. Then, he started clicking his tongue; after a while, he started tapping his feet; then, it was his hands, moving along the table.

I was losing my temper.

"Luffy, if you're that keen on leaving, just do so!"

"But it's boring-"

I sighed, I'd wanted to try talking to him, but I didn't know how to start. And it seems like Luffy's mind was completely off talking, and completely on eating.

Guess it's still not time to talk about certain things, even when everything seems so smooth already.

"Dinner's almost ready, just...go out and play, or something."

He did exactly that.

I tried to imagine a conversation in my head. Would I ever be able to talk things over with him? What can I say? More importantly, what's going on in his mind? He appears to have returned to normal without a trace, as if he's never even been in love with me - and, though there's things that are still there (I still save him from the water most of the time, for one), I still feel the need of the tension that was between us.

I wonder if he's still in love with me, after my reactions.

_I need him._


End file.
